If a Tree Falls......?

Most of us have heard the saying, "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"  I'm thinking yes.  lol  Which leads me to my new blog; if a woman doesn't have a man telling her that she's desirable, lovable, and/or attractive, can she still be those things?

I know I haven't written in a while, but I could not ignore how many female clients came in this week with this topic on their minds.  So many women continue to give away their power by allowing others, especially men, to define their self worth.  Many women feel that if they are not "coupled" or in a relationship with a man, they are less than and/or unlovable; they have not yet learned to be happy and love and value themselves without having a man's attention.

This can be quite damaging to their self esteem especially if and when a man puts them down, leaves, or things don't work out between them.  They will tend to blame themselves and carry the limiting belief that no one else will have them thus making desperate decisions the next time any man pays them attention.  Instead of working on their self esteem and waiting for a healthy partnership, they jump at the first chance to couple again which more times than not ends up very similar to their past unsatisfying relationships.

It's almost like having a sign on your forehead or a sonar homing device attached to your head; the men that are looking for someone easily manipulated hone in on women like this hence another pattern of their self esteem being held hostage by this new partner.  You would think that these men all read the same book because they all seem to do the same thing ie they find a woman and begin their assessment.

First they may make some jokes about the woman's appearance or give "constructive" criticism about how they could look better.  If their victim accepts this veiled emotional abuse they go in for the kill; they tell her they love her right away, tell her how beautiful she is continuously and needs to know where she is at all times in the guise of caring so much about her.  Talks about their future although they just met and puts down her friends/family if he can't fool them with his charm.

Once he alienates most of her friends and family, he has her undivided attention and that's when the brainwashing begins.  This usually manifests in anger, put downs, punishments like the silent treatment and sometimes physical abuse; next come the apologies and the rationale that he wouldn't do those mean things if she behaved differently ie gas lighting and making it her fault.  Eventually, the woman feels inferior and that she cannot trust her own judgment anymore.  Not a pretty picture.

Well, I didn't know I was going to end up writing about this type of scenario but maybe it will motivate some women to work on their self esteem to avoid this type of relationship.  I would recommend reading anything by Louise Hay especially "You Can Heal Your Life" and listen to her affirmations on YouTube.  A good therapist can also help to improve self esteem and address any limiting beliefs that linger.  EMDR can also address the more deep seated "buttons" that have resulted from relationships like these.

Learn to love yourself and acknowledge your own awesomeness!

Namaste,

Lisa