I've been listening to Abraham -Hicks a lot lately and at times I get frustrated with their recommendations for "Law of Attraction." They intimate that the usual reactions to unwanted life situations are "conditional" life responses and that we are more in alignment when we react in an "unconditional," mindful way. My interpretation of this is that when upsetting things happen, we are not supposed to get upset. This seems like a pretty tall order for most human beings. This is why positive thinking gets such a bad reputation. It sounds more like denial and/or stuffing feelings which is not helpful. It doesn't seem doable, logical or natural.
Well, it is not natural. Most of us have not been taught to be so mindful that we can immediately go to our "Zen" place when life becomes challenging. I think they need to give us permission to feel bad or temporarily freak out before taking our mindful step back. For example, when tragedy strikes are we expected to react like a robot? Are we discouraged from talking about unwanted things in a therapy session or grieving our losses when they occur? Even Louise Hay understood the need for tapping on unwanted situations/feelings stating, "If you're cleaning the house, you need to see where the dirt is!"
It is therapeutic to process unwanted life experiences and respond to tragedy with appropriate sadness. Sometimes, no matter what our spiritual beliefs are on death/dying, we miss the physical form of our deceased loved ones and feel sadness around their loss. So, the question is "Can we focus on "contrast" or things we don't want/like without attracting more of the same?" I'm guessing that there needs to be a happy medium.
I don't know what the appropriate time frame is since everyone grieves/responds to events differently and I would not "rate" anyone's progress on moving forward from an event. As those of us who have read Kubler-Ross know, the steps of bereavement do not go in any sequential order; some days we go forward and sometimes we go back a bit. It is not helpful to put guilt on mourners on top of their feelings of grief.
So my conclusion is this: I understand that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience, but sometimes it takes a bit longer to get to a place of, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Feeling bad about feeling bad is not beneficial; knowing how to "self-soothe" and trying to see a silver lining is. Knowing how to reach out for help when needed and attempting to move into a more positive mind space eventually will begin the healing. Being able to put things into perspective and not "sweating the small stuff," decreasing judgment of yourself and others and having gratitude will ultimately create a better quality of life. This is called "allowing" more of what you want and like.
Wishing you an abundance of days in the vortex, in alignment and in the "receiving mode."
Lisa
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
RE-WRITE YOUR STORY!
I haven't written in a while but again, a common theme has arisen among my clients. I've written about re-framing and concentrating on positives, but this takes it one step further. The way you tell your "story" or the way you look at and describe your past, can make a big difference in the way you see yourself and your life in the present. Many things happen to us in life that we would not choose for ourselves. If we continuously ruminate about these unfortunate events and wear them like a "badge of honor, we can become "victimized" by them.
Re-writing your story is a very helpful tool to enable you to move forward; when telling someone about your unwanted past experiences, don't forget to include what you learned from the events and why your life is better for them. The proverbial "silver lining" is inevitable. As time goes by, you will realize that everything always works out. I know this sounds kind of "Pollyanna-ish" but doesn't it? After the dust settles, life goes on and hopefully you will get past it and understand why it had to happen. Of course, therapy/counseling can facilitate this process.
I don't mean to sound callous for believe me, I have had my own unwanted past experiences including great loss and heartache. But I can now see how it all has brought me to where I am today. If I continued to tell my sad story over and over again and lived in the past, I wouldn't have been able to move forward and pursue my life's purpose.
This goes for present scenarios as well; the way we interpret events will determine the quality of our lives and maybe steer its path! If we can be mindful of what's happening and take a moment to take a step back long enough to to put things into perspective, it can be an "easier pill to swallow." By avoiding the victim role, we can retain hope for the future instead of the self fulfilling prophecy for more "bad luck."
These happenings that we don't like or want are meant as contrast; by experiencing them, we find out what it is that we do like and want, and send out our "rockets of desire" in an attempt to attract more positive situations. The more we can maintain that "high flying" feeling of what we want, the easier it will be to manifest our dreams.
So please give yourselves permission to dream big and may all of your wishes come true. I'm sending you safe and dry vibes during Hurricane Matthew. Be well. :)
Re-writing your story is a very helpful tool to enable you to move forward; when telling someone about your unwanted past experiences, don't forget to include what you learned from the events and why your life is better for them. The proverbial "silver lining" is inevitable. As time goes by, you will realize that everything always works out. I know this sounds kind of "Pollyanna-ish" but doesn't it? After the dust settles, life goes on and hopefully you will get past it and understand why it had to happen. Of course, therapy/counseling can facilitate this process.
I don't mean to sound callous for believe me, I have had my own unwanted past experiences including great loss and heartache. But I can now see how it all has brought me to where I am today. If I continued to tell my sad story over and over again and lived in the past, I wouldn't have been able to move forward and pursue my life's purpose.
This goes for present scenarios as well; the way we interpret events will determine the quality of our lives and maybe steer its path! If we can be mindful of what's happening and take a moment to take a step back long enough to to put things into perspective, it can be an "easier pill to swallow." By avoiding the victim role, we can retain hope for the future instead of the self fulfilling prophecy for more "bad luck."
These happenings that we don't like or want are meant as contrast; by experiencing them, we find out what it is that we do like and want, and send out our "rockets of desire" in an attempt to attract more positive situations. The more we can maintain that "high flying" feeling of what we want, the easier it will be to manifest our dreams.
So please give yourselves permission to dream big and may all of your wishes come true. I'm sending you safe and dry vibes during Hurricane Matthew. Be well. :)
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Not to Love at All?
We've all experienced the proverbial broken heart. Whether in adolescence or adulthood, we all remember "the one that got away," the one that didn't love us as much as we loved them, the one that made us feel "abandoned." The pain of a first or second or third or any breakup almost feels like a stab to the heart; it's hard to eat, sleep and/or enjoy life again. It stings and can create a "hot button." It's hard to believe that love could ever come again then lo and behold, a new perfect lover appears!
If love is so painful, how do we risk the vulnerability of being hurt again? How do we forget the past and jump in all over again? Here is one "how" scenario: we love, we lose that love, we swear never to love again, we find a new love interest, we convince ourselves that this time is different and here we go again. We are able to rationalize that this time we won't need our bullet proof vests but deep down inside, we regret taking them off.
Another question could be "why?" Why would we risk the chance of feeling the pain of loss again?
Well, there are those that have great difficulty being on their own without a "mate." If someone is not happy with their own company and does not know how to make themselves happy, there may be a desperate feeling to "couple" again. Some people do not feel lovable, desirable or attractive unless they have a significant other to tell them they are lovable, desirable and attractive; this is a dangerous premise as we've discussed in previous blog entries on self esteem. Allowing others to define your self worth creates a very dangerous "why" scenario and may result in a badly treated partner staying in a very dissatisfying relationship. Some are just "addicted to love" or that rush you get with someone new. Others may really want to create a family and understand the rewards of sharing one's life with a partner and the joy of raising children.
Often we acquire life's little "buttons" over the years and the "fear of abandonment" button is a huge one. So how do humans continue to go forth and propagate? What is the best mindset to navigate this "sea of love?" My advice as a clinician would be to incorporate healthy boundaries ie get to know your prospective partner slowly before removing the "vest" completely. Also, you may want to look at any similarities between past unsuccessful relationships and the type of partner you are choosing. I would also recommend being able to be on your own in between relationships and work on your self esteem before jumping into those "waters" again.
We all deserve love and respect. Sometimes we may remove our life vests prematurely but through the pain of "contrast" and loss we learn what we like, want and hope for. Remember, you may have to cut the sharks loose if they accidentally get caught in your net. If someone doesn't value you for you, they are not a true match; don't waste your precious time with them. Your "Twin Flame," "Soul Mate" or "True Partner" is out there. So if you decide that it is better to love and lose than not to love at all, don't settle for less.
If love is so painful, how do we risk the vulnerability of being hurt again? How do we forget the past and jump in all over again? Here is one "how" scenario: we love, we lose that love, we swear never to love again, we find a new love interest, we convince ourselves that this time is different and here we go again. We are able to rationalize that this time we won't need our bullet proof vests but deep down inside, we regret taking them off.
Another question could be "why?" Why would we risk the chance of feeling the pain of loss again?
Well, there are those that have great difficulty being on their own without a "mate." If someone is not happy with their own company and does not know how to make themselves happy, there may be a desperate feeling to "couple" again. Some people do not feel lovable, desirable or attractive unless they have a significant other to tell them they are lovable, desirable and attractive; this is a dangerous premise as we've discussed in previous blog entries on self esteem. Allowing others to define your self worth creates a very dangerous "why" scenario and may result in a badly treated partner staying in a very dissatisfying relationship. Some are just "addicted to love" or that rush you get with someone new. Others may really want to create a family and understand the rewards of sharing one's life with a partner and the joy of raising children.
Often we acquire life's little "buttons" over the years and the "fear of abandonment" button is a huge one. So how do humans continue to go forth and propagate? What is the best mindset to navigate this "sea of love?" My advice as a clinician would be to incorporate healthy boundaries ie get to know your prospective partner slowly before removing the "vest" completely. Also, you may want to look at any similarities between past unsuccessful relationships and the type of partner you are choosing. I would also recommend being able to be on your own in between relationships and work on your self esteem before jumping into those "waters" again.
We all deserve love and respect. Sometimes we may remove our life vests prematurely but through the pain of "contrast" and loss we learn what we like, want and hope for. Remember, you may have to cut the sharks loose if they accidentally get caught in your net. If someone doesn't value you for you, they are not a true match; don't waste your precious time with them. Your "Twin Flame," "Soul Mate" or "True Partner" is out there. So if you decide that it is better to love and lose than not to love at all, don't settle for less.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Resiliency, Mindfulness and Self Love for Children
For many years, I've had this belief that children can benefit from lessons in resiliency. What do I mean when I say, "resiliency?" Well, what do we all need to be strong, resilient, happy and able to swiftly bounce back from negative events? To be able to say, "No," to peer pressure.
What comes to mind first is self esteem; if you love yourself, no one can tell you you're less than or discourage you from following your dreams. The next lesson, in my mind, would be empathy; if you can feel what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes, you probably are less inclined to bully others or want to start wars in the future. Next on this list would be gratitude; if you are grateful for what you have, you won't tend to envy others or allow yourself to become a victim of self pity. Next, I would add relaxation ie learning how to de-stress to better cope with life's stressors.
Self Esteem
Empathy
Gratitude
Relaxation
If we are going to continue to improve on this earthly experience, we need to start with the children; teach them the coping skills they will need for resilience and the encouragement to love their neighbors to avoid war and violence in the future. I would recommend meditation, yoga, positive psychology, mindfulness, law of attraction, tapping, etc.
But who will teach the children to be better than us? It would be great to have these lessons in schools and some schools are incorporating some of these philosophies into their classrooms. But to go a step beyond academia, this task would fall on the primary caregivers, parents, and more specifically mothers of the next generation. I feel that this is the Era of the Feminine; it is up to the women, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, caregivers including male caregivers tapping into their "feminine side" to indoctrinate our next group of little humans in the importance of love and peace.
Do you think there is a demand for such a parenting class? What is the most important lesson that we need to impart to our young ones?
Lisa
What comes to mind first is self esteem; if you love yourself, no one can tell you you're less than or discourage you from following your dreams. The next lesson, in my mind, would be empathy; if you can feel what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes, you probably are less inclined to bully others or want to start wars in the future. Next on this list would be gratitude; if you are grateful for what you have, you won't tend to envy others or allow yourself to become a victim of self pity. Next, I would add relaxation ie learning how to de-stress to better cope with life's stressors.
Self Esteem
Empathy
Gratitude
Relaxation
If we are going to continue to improve on this earthly experience, we need to start with the children; teach them the coping skills they will need for resilience and the encouragement to love their neighbors to avoid war and violence in the future. I would recommend meditation, yoga, positive psychology, mindfulness, law of attraction, tapping, etc.
But who will teach the children to be better than us? It would be great to have these lessons in schools and some schools are incorporating some of these philosophies into their classrooms. But to go a step beyond academia, this task would fall on the primary caregivers, parents, and more specifically mothers of the next generation. I feel that this is the Era of the Feminine; it is up to the women, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, caregivers including male caregivers tapping into their "feminine side" to indoctrinate our next group of little humans in the importance of love and peace.
Do you think there is a demand for such a parenting class? What is the most important lesson that we need to impart to our young ones?
Lisa
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
FEAR AND "DIS-EASE"
Fear is the usual feeling when life is uncertain. Unfortunately, it feels horrible and lowers your mood, vibration and possibly your immune system. Research is now revealing that feelings of stress, fear and anxiety can contribute to medical problems which can also be called, "Dis-ease." As a licensed mental health counselor, I see clients who experience unwanted feelings like these quite often and speak of them in our sessions. How does discussing this help a client?
Research shows that a good rapport between a clinician and a client is very beneficial and results in hope which often extinguishes fear. This can raise mood/vibration and facilitate the processing of feelings and the ability to create a new, more positive and empowered story. This optimistic vibration facilitates the achievement of good mental/medical health. In this frame of mind, it is also easier to deconstruct events and understand which buttons are being pushed.
The impetus for writing on this topic today, came from a conversation about a "healer" in Brazil who calls himself, John of God. Then he turned up in the book I'm reading, "Co-creating at Its Best" by Wayne Dyer and Esther Hicks. This book is a transcript of a conversation between Wayne Dyer and a "wise, collective consciousness," Abraham Hicks.
In the book, when Wayne told Abraham the story about this man who psychically healed his cancer, Abraham told him that he healed himself; that John of God allowed him to relax long enough to allow this vibration of self healing. I've heard that when someone is using Reiki to heal someone, they are helping their client to heal themselves.
So, is a mental health counseling session similar to a Reiki or John of God session? During therapy, can we learn to separate from our fears, raise our vibrations and relax enough to heal ourselves? Is your therapist helping you to heal yourself?
Let me know what you think!
Lisa
Research shows that a good rapport between a clinician and a client is very beneficial and results in hope which often extinguishes fear. This can raise mood/vibration and facilitate the processing of feelings and the ability to create a new, more positive and empowered story. This optimistic vibration facilitates the achievement of good mental/medical health. In this frame of mind, it is also easier to deconstruct events and understand which buttons are being pushed.
The impetus for writing on this topic today, came from a conversation about a "healer" in Brazil who calls himself, John of God. Then he turned up in the book I'm reading, "Co-creating at Its Best" by Wayne Dyer and Esther Hicks. This book is a transcript of a conversation between Wayne Dyer and a "wise, collective consciousness," Abraham Hicks.
In the book, when Wayne told Abraham the story about this man who psychically healed his cancer, Abraham told him that he healed himself; that John of God allowed him to relax long enough to allow this vibration of self healing. I've heard that when someone is using Reiki to heal someone, they are helping their client to heal themselves.
So, is a mental health counseling session similar to a Reiki or John of God session? During therapy, can we learn to separate from our fears, raise our vibrations and relax enough to heal ourselves? Is your therapist helping you to heal yourself?
Let me know what you think!
Lisa
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Selfishness VS Selflessness; When Kindness Turns Into People Pleasing and Co-Dependent Behavior
"You don't have to light yourself on fire to keep others warm!"
Through synchronicity with my clients, similar themes usually arise each week. This week it was the desire to please others. Of course, it's nice to want to please others and/or do nice things for people; that really isn't what I'm talking about. I think when we lose a sense of ourselves and our desires, we get into trouble. Making other people's moods more important than our own is codependent behavior. When we have limiting beliefs that we are not deserving and become selfless, people lose respect and sometimes take advantage.
First of all, unless we are speaking of a dependent child, we are not responsible for others' happiness; each of us has a specific job in life and it is learning how to make ourselves happy and hopefully finding one's life's purpose. So why do so many people feel the need to ignore their wants/dreams to appease someone else?
Sometimes it's the message you got growing up ie "selfishness is evil", "your parents are always right," "you are not allowed to disappoint others especially your parents", and "just suck it up."
First of all, some selfishness can be a good thing; if you do not choose yourself first, you will stuff your feelings and say yes when you mean no. This can and will affect your mental and physical health and when you're not healthy, you cannot help anyone.
If you disappoint someone, it is up to them to learn how to cope with disappointment; it's their stuff and we all need to learn this for a happy life. The hardest one for many is disappointing your parents. When growing up you are constantly told to respect them and take their word as gospel; it feels very uncomfortable when you become an adult and this shift in perspective happens.
I would recommend to come from love instead of ego when trying this. Just advise these hopefully well meaning people, "Don't worry; I got this," or "I have to say no this time," and you will find a sense of relief to act as your authentic self and follow your own guidance/bliss/judgment.
The answer is inside of you. Sit quietly long enough and you will hear it.
Lisa
Through synchronicity with my clients, similar themes usually arise each week. This week it was the desire to please others. Of course, it's nice to want to please others and/or do nice things for people; that really isn't what I'm talking about. I think when we lose a sense of ourselves and our desires, we get into trouble. Making other people's moods more important than our own is codependent behavior. When we have limiting beliefs that we are not deserving and become selfless, people lose respect and sometimes take advantage.
First of all, unless we are speaking of a dependent child, we are not responsible for others' happiness; each of us has a specific job in life and it is learning how to make ourselves happy and hopefully finding one's life's purpose. So why do so many people feel the need to ignore their wants/dreams to appease someone else?
Sometimes it's the message you got growing up ie "selfishness is evil", "your parents are always right," "you are not allowed to disappoint others especially your parents", and "just suck it up."
First of all, some selfishness can be a good thing; if you do not choose yourself first, you will stuff your feelings and say yes when you mean no. This can and will affect your mental and physical health and when you're not healthy, you cannot help anyone.
If you disappoint someone, it is up to them to learn how to cope with disappointment; it's their stuff and we all need to learn this for a happy life. The hardest one for many is disappointing your parents. When growing up you are constantly told to respect them and take their word as gospel; it feels very uncomfortable when you become an adult and this shift in perspective happens.
I would recommend to come from love instead of ego when trying this. Just advise these hopefully well meaning people, "Don't worry; I got this," or "I have to say no this time," and you will find a sense of relief to act as your authentic self and follow your own guidance/bliss/judgment.
The answer is inside of you. Sit quietly long enough and you will hear it.
Lisa
Monday, August 8, 2016
How To Tell Intrusive Thoughts to "Shut Up!"
I have mentioned the Law of Attraction in some of my blog entries. Whenever I hear experts give advice/instruction on how to use LOA successfully, I can't help but think about people who suffer with intrusive thoughts.
Many of my clients come in complaining that they have these absurd thoughts that come into their heads and cause much distress. Sometimes it's a "what if" type thought ie "What if something bad or catastrophic happens" when there is nothing indicating any chance of this scenario happening. Other intrusive thoughts can be the exact opposite of what the client is about ie fear of killing someone that they love, killing themselves but not really desiring this outcome, fear of doing something that they would never ever do.
These compulsive thoughts can be a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But what if we are attracting things by our thoughts? If we continuously worry about something will it come true? Then we can say "see, I told you!" and have it manifest as a self fulfilling prophecy? What is the cause of this and what can be done?
As I've mentioned before, we all have difficulty changing thought patterns and habits. Evidently, when our brains are "looping" in the same pattern, it is because our synapses are becoming "addicted" to that pattern. This is why it's so challenging to change a habit/pattern of thought/behavior. I believe that people with intrusive thoughts and OCD may start out with these patterns due to anxiety and then they become more and more prevalent as the synapses enjoy the consistency of these thoughts and behaviors.
I have created a coping method for any intrusive thoughts or patterns/habits that you want to change. I will name it the "Shut Up Mantra." I have a couple of clients that have named their's, "Harry,"
Whenever they have an unwanted, intrusive thought, they say, "Shut up, Harry!" This not only makes them laugh but also reminds them to change their thinking right away.
So whenever your inner voice says, "What if the house burns down while I'm at work," or "Check the lock again (for the 5th time), or "What if I die today," ETC, just say "Shut up, (choose a name)_______!" Then immediately go to a positive thought or behavior to distract yourself from the unwanted thought. Your synapses will eventually give up on that pattern and your brain will begin to loop in a positive direction instead of the old negative way.
Let me know if this S.U.M.helps anyone!
Lisa
Many of my clients come in complaining that they have these absurd thoughts that come into their heads and cause much distress. Sometimes it's a "what if" type thought ie "What if something bad or catastrophic happens" when there is nothing indicating any chance of this scenario happening. Other intrusive thoughts can be the exact opposite of what the client is about ie fear of killing someone that they love, killing themselves but not really desiring this outcome, fear of doing something that they would never ever do.
These compulsive thoughts can be a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But what if we are attracting things by our thoughts? If we continuously worry about something will it come true? Then we can say "see, I told you!" and have it manifest as a self fulfilling prophecy? What is the cause of this and what can be done?
As I've mentioned before, we all have difficulty changing thought patterns and habits. Evidently, when our brains are "looping" in the same pattern, it is because our synapses are becoming "addicted" to that pattern. This is why it's so challenging to change a habit/pattern of thought/behavior. I believe that people with intrusive thoughts and OCD may start out with these patterns due to anxiety and then they become more and more prevalent as the synapses enjoy the consistency of these thoughts and behaviors.
I have created a coping method for any intrusive thoughts or patterns/habits that you want to change. I will name it the "Shut Up Mantra." I have a couple of clients that have named their's, "Harry,"
Whenever they have an unwanted, intrusive thought, they say, "Shut up, Harry!" This not only makes them laugh but also reminds them to change their thinking right away.
So whenever your inner voice says, "What if the house burns down while I'm at work," or "Check the lock again (for the 5th time), or "What if I die today," ETC, just say "Shut up, (choose a name)_______!" Then immediately go to a positive thought or behavior to distract yourself from the unwanted thought. Your synapses will eventually give up on that pattern and your brain will begin to loop in a positive direction instead of the old negative way.
Let me know if this S.U.M.helps anyone!
Lisa
Sunday, July 24, 2016
PBS, CBT and LOA
I was looking for PBS on TV so that I could record the show, "Poldark" when I found Daniel Tiger. Daniel Tiger is a children's animated learning show. As soon as I listened to the first song that came up and the dialog Daniel the Tiger spoke, I knew that the writers were doing exactly what I've been hoping educators/parents would do.
The message was, "when you feel sad or fearful, think about what makes you happy." This is brilliant! From a cognitive-behavioral standpoint, this is changing the way a child thinks and teaching them an invaluable coping method. If a child uses this type of technique, they will be more motivated to do the things they like to do without unrealistic fear which will change their behavior which will make them feel better and want to do more things that will elevate their mood which will make them want to do more things which will.....well you get the picture. Brain chemistry will improve in a pattern I describe as "a viscious cycle of success."
But let's look more closely at this brain chemistry thing. Not only will Serotonin/Dopamine levels increase, but the child's synapses are being trained. What I have learned from various authors like
Dr. Joe Dispenza ("You Are the Placebo"), the reason we have such a hard time changing a pattern/habit is because of these pesky synapses. They get into a groove from repetitive thought to the point where they get "addicted" to it; if we continually think or do something enough, those synapses become like magnets for each other and you automatically go back to familiar ways of thinking/acting. When you try to break out of these patterns/habits, it feels so "off" and uncomfortable, that we start to rationalize reasons why we should change this habit tomorrow instead of today. Hence the reason diet companies are raking in the dough while we are eating to much (pizza) dough. lol Persevering through the initial days of change can train your synapses to get addicted to positive ways of thinking/acting and you're off on your VCS! (Viscious Cycle of Success)
But let's take this brilliant idea a step further! As if better mood isn't reward enough, what if the Law of Attraction really works? What if this children's writer is not only teaching coping skills for mood elevation and a happier life but also teaching LOA? If what you think creates your life and thinking about what you want/like/hope for attracts just that, could these children be a new generation of the paradigm shift that I wrote about in my first blog entry? If kids are taught to dwell on positives and learn how to self soothe, there will be less fighting and discord which can translate eventually to a more peaceful adulthood and world.
This brings me to the next blog topic that I've been reading about. People who follow their "inner voice" and do the things that they love and feel passionate about, and that "feel right," are happier than those that don't. By ignoring our "inner guidance systems" and doing what others tell us we should do, we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment and dysphoria. These children are learning to think/listen to their intuition re what they like/want/hope for; a very good start.
Lisa
The message was, "when you feel sad or fearful, think about what makes you happy." This is brilliant! From a cognitive-behavioral standpoint, this is changing the way a child thinks and teaching them an invaluable coping method. If a child uses this type of technique, they will be more motivated to do the things they like to do without unrealistic fear which will change their behavior which will make them feel better and want to do more things that will elevate their mood which will make them want to do more things which will.....well you get the picture. Brain chemistry will improve in a pattern I describe as "a viscious cycle of success."
But let's look more closely at this brain chemistry thing. Not only will Serotonin/Dopamine levels increase, but the child's synapses are being trained. What I have learned from various authors like
Dr. Joe Dispenza ("You Are the Placebo"), the reason we have such a hard time changing a pattern/habit is because of these pesky synapses. They get into a groove from repetitive thought to the point where they get "addicted" to it; if we continually think or do something enough, those synapses become like magnets for each other and you automatically go back to familiar ways of thinking/acting. When you try to break out of these patterns/habits, it feels so "off" and uncomfortable, that we start to rationalize reasons why we should change this habit tomorrow instead of today. Hence the reason diet companies are raking in the dough while we are eating to much (pizza) dough. lol Persevering through the initial days of change can train your synapses to get addicted to positive ways of thinking/acting and you're off on your VCS! (Viscious Cycle of Success)
But let's take this brilliant idea a step further! As if better mood isn't reward enough, what if the Law of Attraction really works? What if this children's writer is not only teaching coping skills for mood elevation and a happier life but also teaching LOA? If what you think creates your life and thinking about what you want/like/hope for attracts just that, could these children be a new generation of the paradigm shift that I wrote about in my first blog entry? If kids are taught to dwell on positives and learn how to self soothe, there will be less fighting and discord which can translate eventually to a more peaceful adulthood and world.
This brings me to the next blog topic that I've been reading about. People who follow their "inner voice" and do the things that they love and feel passionate about, and that "feel right," are happier than those that don't. By ignoring our "inner guidance systems" and doing what others tell us we should do, we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment and dysphoria. These children are learning to think/listen to their intuition re what they like/want/hope for; a very good start.
Lisa
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Self Fulfilling Prophecies and Limiting Beliefs
Some of you may have heard the phrase, "If you think you can't, you can't." What does that mean? Well, if you think you can't, you certainly won't try, which makes it impossible to prove that you can! But what about the law of attraction theorists? They would recommend that to attract success, you envision yourself being successful instead of trying to picture yourself failing Even if the law of attraction doesn't exist, you will be happier thinking about what you want, like and hope for. Some people are afraid to "get their hopes up too high" which makes me sad; that means you will never allow yourself to hope, dream and get excited about something you want and like. I say go for the joy and follow your bliss and ride the wave!
I know I'm getting a little too happy but is there such a thing as too happy? I was listening to an Abraham Hicks recording recently and something stood out; they discourage us from thinking and feeling how it would be if negative things do not change, why not think about how it will be when these negative situations turn themselves around to more positive ones. In other words, why do I want change and why will it be awesome? Then the limiting beliefs set in ie "That will never happen for me." "I can't have that kind of happiness." "I am stuck."
I suggest that you take 2 of your most prevalent limiting beliefs and turn them into positives. For example, change "I'll never get a good job" to "It's possible that I could get a good job." Another one could be "I can never be happy again after what has happened in my life" and change it to "Maybe it is possible that I will be happy again someday." Once you crack open those negative believes and let in a little ray of sunshine or hope, you can start envisioning how it could be if your dreams came true. Then take the 2 new transformed statements of hope and say them everyday for a week and let me know if you feel better or not. (and especially let me know if you manifest your dreams!)
I hope your self fulfilling prophecies are of joy, love and happiness.
Lisa
I know I'm getting a little too happy but is there such a thing as too happy? I was listening to an Abraham Hicks recording recently and something stood out; they discourage us from thinking and feeling how it would be if negative things do not change, why not think about how it will be when these negative situations turn themselves around to more positive ones. In other words, why do I want change and why will it be awesome? Then the limiting beliefs set in ie "That will never happen for me." "I can't have that kind of happiness." "I am stuck."
I suggest that you take 2 of your most prevalent limiting beliefs and turn them into positives. For example, change "I'll never get a good job" to "It's possible that I could get a good job." Another one could be "I can never be happy again after what has happened in my life" and change it to "Maybe it is possible that I will be happy again someday." Once you crack open those negative believes and let in a little ray of sunshine or hope, you can start envisioning how it could be if your dreams came true. Then take the 2 new transformed statements of hope and say them everyday for a week and let me know if you feel better or not. (and especially let me know if you manifest your dreams!)
I hope your self fulfilling prophecies are of joy, love and happiness.
Lisa
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
What is Emotional Freedom Therapy? EFT
Emotional Freedom Therapy or EFT is what most people know as "Tapping." I have to admit that the first time that I heard of a therapist using this, I was quite skeptical. Now I understand that there is actually a physiological reason that it works.
EFT is like Acupuncture without the needles. It is tapping on the meridians in your body where an acupuncturist would put the needles. The great thing about EFT is that anyone can do it anytime and any place. (although you may get some strange looks if done in public. lol) You don't need to be a therapist or medical clinician to do it and you don't need to be in the presence of a clinician while doing it. And the best news, besides its efficacy, is that it is free. Doesn't cost a cent. Once you learn it, there is no way to mess it up or endanger yourself. Anyone can do it; even children!
In my last blog we talked a little about the amygdala and how it effects how we feel and behave. According to Nick Ortner, author of "The Tapping Solution," 'The limbic system is the source of emotions and long-term memory, and it’s where negative experiences are encoded. The amygdala has been called the body’s smoke detector. “Uh-oh, here comes trouble,” says the amygdala. “Something is threatening our safety.” It signals the brain to mobilize the body in the fight-or-flight response. Tapping on the meridian endpoints helps to deactivate the amygdala’s alarm and sends a calming response to the body, and the amygdala recognizes that it’s safe.' Whether your safety is truly being threatened or not, it would be good to know how to calm yourself in the face of danger or the unwarranted fear of it.
I recommend visiting www.thetappingsolution.com to watch an instructional video; this is how that website describes tapping: 'The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand: a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, or any other aspect around an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you. While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 12 of the body’s meridian points. Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.'
My clients that have been open to trying EFT have reported significant improvement, progress and relief from anxiety, pain and unease. There are many books and videos to learn more about tapping and some therapists like myself who incorporate it into their mental health practice.
Happy Tapping!
Lisa
EFT is like Acupuncture without the needles. It is tapping on the meridians in your body where an acupuncturist would put the needles. The great thing about EFT is that anyone can do it anytime and any place. (although you may get some strange looks if done in public. lol) You don't need to be a therapist or medical clinician to do it and you don't need to be in the presence of a clinician while doing it. And the best news, besides its efficacy, is that it is free. Doesn't cost a cent. Once you learn it, there is no way to mess it up or endanger yourself. Anyone can do it; even children!
In my last blog we talked a little about the amygdala and how it effects how we feel and behave. According to Nick Ortner, author of "The Tapping Solution," 'The limbic system is the source of emotions and long-term memory, and it’s where negative experiences are encoded. The amygdala has been called the body’s smoke detector. “Uh-oh, here comes trouble,” says the amygdala. “Something is threatening our safety.” It signals the brain to mobilize the body in the fight-or-flight response. Tapping on the meridian endpoints helps to deactivate the amygdala’s alarm and sends a calming response to the body, and the amygdala recognizes that it’s safe.' Whether your safety is truly being threatened or not, it would be good to know how to calm yourself in the face of danger or the unwarranted fear of it.
I recommend visiting www.thetappingsolution.com to watch an instructional video; this is how that website describes tapping: 'The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand: a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, or any other aspect around an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you. While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 12 of the body’s meridian points. Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.'
My clients that have been open to trying EFT have reported significant improvement, progress and relief from anxiety, pain and unease. There are many books and videos to learn more about tapping and some therapists like myself who incorporate it into their mental health practice.
Happy Tapping!
Lisa
Monday, July 11, 2016
The Amygdala, The Parasympathetic Nervous System and Self Healing
This morning I was looking for some YouTube videos on Tapping/EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy) for friends and clients. The one I ended up listening to and forwarding is one where Nick Ortner ("The Tapping Solution") was interviewing Dr Lissa Rankin, OB/GYN ("Mind Over Medicine") They were talking about the "placebo effect" and the body's ability to heal itself. The scientific explanation they used was that when we catastrophize/worry/stress, we send a message to the Amygdala ie "attack is imminent" and the Parasympathetic Nervous System goes into the "fight or flight" mode; during this mode, the body is too busy to work on self regulating/healing itself.
I think that some people do not like to hear about the idea that our bodies can heal themselves because if their body isn't healing itself, what does that say about them as a person? Are they less than for failing to heal themselves? Why isn't it working for them? Also, if we can make ourselves well, can we make ourselves sick and if I am sick did I do this to myself? Lots of guilt and feelings of low self worth may arise.
I believe that the trick here is not to blame yourself but to dig deeper into your thoughts, ideas, worries, painful memories and dissatisfaction with certain areas of your life. Having limiting beliefs and worries does not make you a bad person; it makes you a human being. Addressing these things in various ways ie in therapy or by using EFT to get to the bottom of them just makes you a happier human being.
One statement often expressed is, "I'm stressed out because I hate my job/marriage/living situation and I am stuck there due to finances." Believe me, that was my mantra for years and years! Once you can find a modicum of hope that maybe this is a limiting belief, your thinking can begin to change and a shift can take place. Once you allow yourself to open your mind to an alternate paradigm, many wonderful changes can take place. Remember, if you think you can't, you can't.
Meditation, exercise, and a healthy diet are great ways to reduce stress, but other modes like therapy and EFT can take this a step further by getting to the crux of the faulty, hopeless assumptions and begin to move your thinking into a more hopeful, authentic mindset that can effect your mental and medical health in a positive way.
I'll talk more on EFT in my next blog.
Best wishes,
Lisa
I think that some people do not like to hear about the idea that our bodies can heal themselves because if their body isn't healing itself, what does that say about them as a person? Are they less than for failing to heal themselves? Why isn't it working for them? Also, if we can make ourselves well, can we make ourselves sick and if I am sick did I do this to myself? Lots of guilt and feelings of low self worth may arise.
I believe that the trick here is not to blame yourself but to dig deeper into your thoughts, ideas, worries, painful memories and dissatisfaction with certain areas of your life. Having limiting beliefs and worries does not make you a bad person; it makes you a human being. Addressing these things in various ways ie in therapy or by using EFT to get to the bottom of them just makes you a happier human being.
One statement often expressed is, "I'm stressed out because I hate my job/marriage/living situation and I am stuck there due to finances." Believe me, that was my mantra for years and years! Once you can find a modicum of hope that maybe this is a limiting belief, your thinking can begin to change and a shift can take place. Once you allow yourself to open your mind to an alternate paradigm, many wonderful changes can take place. Remember, if you think you can't, you can't.
Meditation, exercise, and a healthy diet are great ways to reduce stress, but other modes like therapy and EFT can take this a step further by getting to the crux of the faulty, hopeless assumptions and begin to move your thinking into a more hopeful, authentic mindset that can effect your mental and medical health in a positive way.
I'll talk more on EFT in my next blog.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Friday, July 1, 2016
Jealousy
Before you read this entry I want to warn you that there are aspects of the Law of Attraction in it; if this is not your cup of tea, take what you like and leave the rest. :)
I think most of us have felt jealous from time to time when someone else has what we want. Although we may be happy for our friends that have "things" we've been wanting, feeling a twinge of jealousy may be more common than we would like to admit. I was thinking about this and realized that there is more than one reason that this does not serve us.
First of all, it would not be kind to begrudge a friend their happiness because we haven't received what they have. But the other side of the coin is that the reason we may be jealous is not only wanting what they have but also losing hope of getting it ourselves. If we have hope and optimism while waiting for our turn, I don't think jealousy would factor in.
So the real issue here is losing faith/hope that better things are coming our way. If you've been reading about the Law of Attraction in my past blogs, you know that we must feel the way we're going to feel when we get these "things" in order to attract them; we need to send out positive vibrations to get what we want. Otherwise, we are not "allowing" them to come to us. So jealousy is a negative, low vibration that can cancel out your "rockets of desire."
Whatever it is that you are dreaming of ie a new job, new home, new car, more money, a new business, a new romantic relationship, etc, keep dreaming. Don't worry about the time frame or how it will materialize for it may come when you least expect it and look totally different from what you had in mind.
Keep sending out those positive vibes and have gratitude and faith; your turn is on its way!
Enjoy your weekend,
Lisa
I think most of us have felt jealous from time to time when someone else has what we want. Although we may be happy for our friends that have "things" we've been wanting, feeling a twinge of jealousy may be more common than we would like to admit. I was thinking about this and realized that there is more than one reason that this does not serve us.
First of all, it would not be kind to begrudge a friend their happiness because we haven't received what they have. But the other side of the coin is that the reason we may be jealous is not only wanting what they have but also losing hope of getting it ourselves. If we have hope and optimism while waiting for our turn, I don't think jealousy would factor in.
So the real issue here is losing faith/hope that better things are coming our way. If you've been reading about the Law of Attraction in my past blogs, you know that we must feel the way we're going to feel when we get these "things" in order to attract them; we need to send out positive vibrations to get what we want. Otherwise, we are not "allowing" them to come to us. So jealousy is a negative, low vibration that can cancel out your "rockets of desire."
Whatever it is that you are dreaming of ie a new job, new home, new car, more money, a new business, a new romantic relationship, etc, keep dreaming. Don't worry about the time frame or how it will materialize for it may come when you least expect it and look totally different from what you had in mind.
Keep sending out those positive vibes and have gratitude and faith; your turn is on its way!
Enjoy your weekend,
Lisa
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Science, Positive Psychology and Spirituality
I know I promised to write about co-dependence but something else came up that will lead us to that topic. I was watching Shawn Achor, author of "The Happiness Advantage, on Super Soul Sunday. He was saying many things that I have said to my clients including this: Science, Psychology and Spirituality are all saying the same thing in different words! Religion and Spirituality have always been recommending love and gratitude for a happier life. Now the sciences are getting on board with this school of thought.
When we come from love, instead of ego, and are grateful for what we have in our lives, we are happier. This is the way of thinking for most religious and spiritual people but it is also recommended in Psychology. Cognitive Therapy is probably the most common modality in psychological treatment today. Cognitive Therapy is changing the way that you think; by rewriting your story and interpreting your life in a positive light, you will probably be happier and experience improved mental health. Positive Psychology is recommending less judgment and more gratitude and forgiveness; separating from others' behaviors/words and avoid depending on others for your happiness and self worth; we are all responsible for our own happiness which brings me to Co-Dependency.
Many people think that Co-Dependency means you are dependent on other people too much; this is not the whole definition. People that exhibit co-dependent behavior do depend on others but mostly for them to define their self worth. People pleasing is a co-dependent behavior; when you say, "yes" when you mean "no," you are not being your authentic self. When I ask clients why they say "yes" even at the expense of their own mental health, they usually respond that, "People won't like me if I say, "no." They explain that if someone doesn't like them, they have no self worth. Allowing others to define your self worth is giving away your power and setting you up for a fall later. This goes back to my blog on self esteem/self worth; if someone tells you you're stupid and unworthy, does that make it true?
Now Science is weighing in on happiness. Researchers are studying brain activity/changes and are finding physiological evidence that the way we think and respond to life and others affects our physical health. Studies are showing that meditation and positive thinking can improve your physical health despite your DNA and predispositions to illness via your genes.
So when studying the path to Happiness via your spiritual beliefs, your mental health, or your medical/physical health, you will eventually come to the same conclusion; LOVE. When you love yourself, you take better care of yourself and are happier; this in turn creates the desire to show love to others which continues that happiness cycle. Maybe the Hippies were on to something after all?
Enjoy the rest of your weekend,
Lisa
When we come from love, instead of ego, and are grateful for what we have in our lives, we are happier. This is the way of thinking for most religious and spiritual people but it is also recommended in Psychology. Cognitive Therapy is probably the most common modality in psychological treatment today. Cognitive Therapy is changing the way that you think; by rewriting your story and interpreting your life in a positive light, you will probably be happier and experience improved mental health. Positive Psychology is recommending less judgment and more gratitude and forgiveness; separating from others' behaviors/words and avoid depending on others for your happiness and self worth; we are all responsible for our own happiness which brings me to Co-Dependency.
Many people think that Co-Dependency means you are dependent on other people too much; this is not the whole definition. People that exhibit co-dependent behavior do depend on others but mostly for them to define their self worth. People pleasing is a co-dependent behavior; when you say, "yes" when you mean "no," you are not being your authentic self. When I ask clients why they say "yes" even at the expense of their own mental health, they usually respond that, "People won't like me if I say, "no." They explain that if someone doesn't like them, they have no self worth. Allowing others to define your self worth is giving away your power and setting you up for a fall later. This goes back to my blog on self esteem/self worth; if someone tells you you're stupid and unworthy, does that make it true?
Now Science is weighing in on happiness. Researchers are studying brain activity/changes and are finding physiological evidence that the way we think and respond to life and others affects our physical health. Studies are showing that meditation and positive thinking can improve your physical health despite your DNA and predispositions to illness via your genes.
So when studying the path to Happiness via your spiritual beliefs, your mental health, or your medical/physical health, you will eventually come to the same conclusion; LOVE. When you love yourself, you take better care of yourself and are happier; this in turn creates the desire to show love to others which continues that happiness cycle. Maybe the Hippies were on to something after all?
Enjoy the rest of your weekend,
Lisa
Monday, June 20, 2016
Victimization
Happy Summer Solstice! Since there is a full moon on this first day of Summer for the first time in 70 years, the "energy" experts have explained that the atmosphere may feel intense. This could lead to misunderstandings and generalizations. I feel that this is the perfect time to talk about victimization.
Feeling like a victim is not a pleasant sensation. So why do so many people take this role when interpreting their world? How does someone get into this pattern of "everyone is out to wrong me?" Why do people continually want others to judge who is the bad guy in a situation?
I think that one thing that people of this mindset have in common is their world view; do you believe that man is inherently good or evil? Yes, we are all capable of "good and bad" behavior but do you always expect the worst from people? Do you take things personally and assume things that could really be limiting beliefs? This could lead to misunderstandings and unkind words. Then, when someone does appear to have "wronged" you, do you say, "See, I told you so?" This can become a self fulfilling prophecy. (and if Law of Attraction is true, this is what will be attracted!)
If you are identifying with this blog, please read, "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz. I don't think that I will spoil much by telling you what these agreements are. The first one is "Be Impeccable with your Words." Words can hurt or help and are more powerful than you realize so please treat others as you would like to be treated. (The Golden Rule, remember?)
The second agreement is "Don't Assume Anything!" You know the saying that assuming makes an "ass out of u and me." Well, I think this is true. When we assume what the other person means, we don't take the time to disclose our feelings and give them the chance to explain their true meaning. So many unnecessary arguments have begun this way.
The third agreement is "Don't Take Anything Personally!" Let's face it, others' comments are most likely "their stuff" and coming from their world view. I'm sure you've also seen others complain about your behavior which in fact it is their own behavior they are describing ie projection. It is preferable to learn how to separate from their view and be mindful of where they are coming from. Avoid allowing others to define you; you are giving away your power when you don't know your own self worth.
The fourth agreement is "Do your Best with the First Three Agreements!" No one is perfect and we may not always get it right, but if you know your own self worth, you won't become defensive and feel victimized over and over again. Hopefully, you will also be ok with being your authentic self ie avoid saying, "yes" when you really mean "no." If you fear you will be rejected if you disappoint others and do a 360 on your opinion if it doesn't match someone else's, it shows a people pleasing personality and a diminished sense of self.
We may have to talk about "Codependency" tomorrow.
Ciao for now,
Lisa
Feeling like a victim is not a pleasant sensation. So why do so many people take this role when interpreting their world? How does someone get into this pattern of "everyone is out to wrong me?" Why do people continually want others to judge who is the bad guy in a situation?
I think that one thing that people of this mindset have in common is their world view; do you believe that man is inherently good or evil? Yes, we are all capable of "good and bad" behavior but do you always expect the worst from people? Do you take things personally and assume things that could really be limiting beliefs? This could lead to misunderstandings and unkind words. Then, when someone does appear to have "wronged" you, do you say, "See, I told you so?" This can become a self fulfilling prophecy. (and if Law of Attraction is true, this is what will be attracted!)
If you are identifying with this blog, please read, "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz. I don't think that I will spoil much by telling you what these agreements are. The first one is "Be Impeccable with your Words." Words can hurt or help and are more powerful than you realize so please treat others as you would like to be treated. (The Golden Rule, remember?)
The second agreement is "Don't Assume Anything!" You know the saying that assuming makes an "ass out of u and me." Well, I think this is true. When we assume what the other person means, we don't take the time to disclose our feelings and give them the chance to explain their true meaning. So many unnecessary arguments have begun this way.
The third agreement is "Don't Take Anything Personally!" Let's face it, others' comments are most likely "their stuff" and coming from their world view. I'm sure you've also seen others complain about your behavior which in fact it is their own behavior they are describing ie projection. It is preferable to learn how to separate from their view and be mindful of where they are coming from. Avoid allowing others to define you; you are giving away your power when you don't know your own self worth.
The fourth agreement is "Do your Best with the First Three Agreements!" No one is perfect and we may not always get it right, but if you know your own self worth, you won't become defensive and feel victimized over and over again. Hopefully, you will also be ok with being your authentic self ie avoid saying, "yes" when you really mean "no." If you fear you will be rejected if you disappoint others and do a 360 on your opinion if it doesn't match someone else's, it shows a people pleasing personality and a diminished sense of self.
We may have to talk about "Codependency" tomorrow.
Ciao for now,
Lisa
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Blogging, Flow and Inner Dialog
Ok, don't laugh (you can laugh; I won't know) but I didn't realize that I had to choose my blog settings to allow comments. Duh! No wonder you guys aren't responding! I'm getting all of this traffic and no one had commented on what I was writing. Ok, so now you know what a rookie I am to this blogging.
So why is a rookie blogger writing on Blogspot? Well, it's kind of selfish. I feel so good when I help others feel good, that I wanted to reach out to as many people as possible. Also, I believe that if you feel good and you love yourself, you won't want to hurt anyone. If everyone on the planet felt good and loved themselves, it would be the prescription for world peace! (Sorry, I was a Hippie in the '70's)
But where do I come up with all of this positive psychology psychobabble? I'm not sure. I read a lot of different books and articles and use these ideas with my clients who seem to benefit greatly from them. They appear to progress faster once they retrain their brains to use the power of positive thinking. Once I get writing, I think I enter a state of "Flow." I get into the "zone" and it comes pouring out! This is the Wikipedia definition of Flow:
So why is a rookie blogger writing on Blogspot? Well, it's kind of selfish. I feel so good when I help others feel good, that I wanted to reach out to as many people as possible. Also, I believe that if you feel good and you love yourself, you won't want to hurt anyone. If everyone on the planet felt good and loved themselves, it would be the prescription for world peace! (Sorry, I was a Hippie in the '70's)
But where do I come up with all of this positive psychology psychobabble? I'm not sure. I read a lot of different books and articles and use these ideas with my clients who seem to benefit greatly from them. They appear to progress faster once they retrain their brains to use the power of positive thinking. Once I get writing, I think I enter a state of "Flow." I get into the "zone" and it comes pouring out! This is the Wikipedia definition of Flow:
Flow
Psychology
In positive psychology, flow, also known as the zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does.
Today, I just want to talk about the voice in your head. No, not like in an auditory hallucination but that inner dialog that we all have. The running commentary that is critiquing everything you do and say. I touched on this in my recent blogs on Happiness and Gratitude but I want to drive this point home again.
Many people do not even realize it is there; they are usually the people that have heard it before and don't want to hear the negativity again so they don't take the time to sit still and listen anymore. It's important to your self esteem and happiness to catch yourself when you're going negative in your head. Being mindful of what you're thinking will give you more insight into why you feel stuck, dissatisfied, have panic attacks or just feel "less than."
Once you get good at noticing and catching it, the next step is to turn it around. Like the "Triumphing and Transitioning" in my BLT method (see previous blogs), you need to work on getting good at going positive. If you're going to think about the "What ifs," instead of thinking of the worst case scenarios, why not think about "What if this turns out awesome?" Neither of the "what ifs" are based in reality so why not think about what you want and what you like and what you hope for?
If Louise Hay is right, and your thoughts create your life, don't you want to know why your life is turning out the way it has? I would recommend reading any of her books especially "You Can Heal Your Life." She is the queen of positive affirmations and you can find many of her videos on YouTube.
What are you thinking right now? Please comment below.
Wishing you, love, light, and flow,
Lisa
EMDR
Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (revised)
I finally read this definition of EMDR from the EMDRIA website and I was very surprised to find so many typos! My apologies! Here is a layman's explanation of what EMDR is about:
EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing is a great alternative treatment for people that feel "stuck." When clients come in and say, "I know what to do to feel better but I feel too stuck to move forward," I suggest EMDR.
In the past, clinicians would ask the client to follow the therapist's finger with their eyes. This is an attempt to get the client's eyes to go back and forth like when you're in REM sleep; replicating the dream state that allows you to reprocess memories. Now we have these handy "bilaterals." These are simply little plastic pods that alternately vibrate and help the client to use both sides of their brain to reprocess these memories. When the client closes their eyes while holding the vibrating bilaterals, I can see that their eyes are going back and forth under their eyelids! Very cool stuff here. :)
Before I consider using EMDR with a client, I have to make sure that they can "self soothe" during the session if needed. EMDR can bring up all kinds of memories and emotions and if things get too intense, I need to know the client can "self regulate." I usually teach them visualization techniques that they can practice when they feel "uneasy" in between sessions. Once I am convinced that they can handle the emotionality that may ensue, we choose a memory that still has "charge." We would use a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most upsetting feeling when thinking of the memory; we would choose a memory that still has a high number rating of upsetting feelings.
There is a protocol of questions alternating between right and left brain questions. The memory that is still giving you this angst is trapped on the right side of your brain; the EMDR will hopefully push it to the left side or intellectual side of the brain so that the client can reprocess the memory logically without all of the emotional feelings present. Alternating between left and right brain questions begins the process of getting the client to use both sides of their brain.
Then the client holds the "bilaterals" in the palms of their hands. The client simply lets their mind go from the chosen memory to wherever it leads like watching their lives in a movie or like sitting on a train watching the stations going by. The clinician will stop the bilaterals every 30 - 60 seconds to check in; the client will give a brief synopsis ie "I'm in my childhood kitchen with my father." Since the chosen memory is connected to many others, the next check in could be, "I'm now in my present kitchen with my spouse!"
As the session progresses, the trained clinician can tell when the memory is being reprocessed and the client's "story" is finally being rewritten or interpreted from a more positive point of view. At this point the therapist will endeavor to "install" or instill an empowering language and feeling to go with the originally chosen memory.
So if we are successful, you will still have the memory, but you will no longer have the negative feeling that always went along with it. Now when you think of the memory, you will feel more empowered like, "I got this." Et voila! Button erased!
Again, I do apologize for the poorly edited information below.
Lisa
from EMDRIA website
I finally read this definition of EMDR from the EMDRIA website and I was very surprised to find so many typos! My apologies! Here is a layman's explanation of what EMDR is about:
EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing is a great alternative treatment for people that feel "stuck." When clients come in and say, "I know what to do to feel better but I feel too stuck to move forward," I suggest EMDR.
In the past, clinicians would ask the client to follow the therapist's finger with their eyes. This is an attempt to get the client's eyes to go back and forth like when you're in REM sleep; replicating the dream state that allows you to reprocess memories. Now we have these handy "bilaterals." These are simply little plastic pods that alternately vibrate and help the client to use both sides of their brain to reprocess these memories. When the client closes their eyes while holding the vibrating bilaterals, I can see that their eyes are going back and forth under their eyelids! Very cool stuff here. :)
Before I consider using EMDR with a client, I have to make sure that they can "self soothe" during the session if needed. EMDR can bring up all kinds of memories and emotions and if things get too intense, I need to know the client can "self regulate." I usually teach them visualization techniques that they can practice when they feel "uneasy" in between sessions. Once I am convinced that they can handle the emotionality that may ensue, we choose a memory that still has "charge." We would use a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most upsetting feeling when thinking of the memory; we would choose a memory that still has a high number rating of upsetting feelings.
There is a protocol of questions alternating between right and left brain questions. The memory that is still giving you this angst is trapped on the right side of your brain; the EMDR will hopefully push it to the left side or intellectual side of the brain so that the client can reprocess the memory logically without all of the emotional feelings present. Alternating between left and right brain questions begins the process of getting the client to use both sides of their brain.
Then the client holds the "bilaterals" in the palms of their hands. The client simply lets their mind go from the chosen memory to wherever it leads like watching their lives in a movie or like sitting on a train watching the stations going by. The clinician will stop the bilaterals every 30 - 60 seconds to check in; the client will give a brief synopsis ie "I'm in my childhood kitchen with my father." Since the chosen memory is connected to many others, the next check in could be, "I'm now in my present kitchen with my spouse!"
As the session progresses, the trained clinician can tell when the memory is being reprocessed and the client's "story" is finally being rewritten or interpreted from a more positive point of view. At this point the therapist will endeavor to "install" or instill an empowering language and feeling to go with the originally chosen memory.
So if we are successful, you will still have the memory, but you will no longer have the negative feeling that always went along with it. Now when you think of the memory, you will feel more empowered like, "I got this." Et voila! Button erased!
Again, I do apologize for the poorly edited information below.
Lisa
from EMDRIA website
EMDR therapy
EMDR is an established method of psychotherapy, which has its origins in the psycho trauma therapy. The applications of EMDR, however, reach far beyond. EMDR is based on that every person has a natural ability to process information, by means of which he can handle stressful experiences.
The central element of EMDR therapy are guided eye movements - also called bilateral stimulation: The patient or the patient follows the fingers of the therapist with his eyes, while these moves her hand alternately to right and left. The client's eye movements are comparable to the eye movements during REM sleep - the stage of sleep in which the events of the day are processed. As an alternative to the hand movements, the therapist can use sound or touch the back of the hands of the patient.
At the beginning of EMDR treatment diagnose qualified Traumatherapeutinnnen and therapists in a detailed and thorough history, the trauma and the distressing symptoms associated with it. Thus patients carefully the trauma issue can approach, creating EMDR professionals with a lot of empathy a safe and protected environment. Now the patient can be together with their handlers inside view associated with the traumatic event images and situations and they decouple from the stressful emotions. Usually derived EMDR therapist during a session more sequences of eye movements at that last one-half to one minute. Being mindful they guide the patient through the remembered and the accompanying sensations.
A EMDR session is comparable to a train: The patients go again past the event - but from a safe distance and accompanied by their therapists or therapists. Later in the session faded incriminating memory piece by piece, and the symptoms of the trauma are resolved. Patients learn to deal with the old traumatic memories and thoughts and to develop a new, more appropriate perspective on what is happening.
Friday, June 10, 2016
Emotional Buttons from Our Past
We are all products of our childhoods and what has happened to us up until now. I think we discussed this fact during my rant on forgiveness and empathy. Anyway, our memories of past events can leave us with "buttons" that are easily pushed. For example, the child whose teacher told him he was stupid might have developed a "hot button" about his intellect. Even though he now realizes that he is an intelligent adult, when someone calls him stupid today, it presses that button that causes emotional feelings and possible defensiveness and self doubt.
So what can be done now that we realize that we are covered in these unwanted buttons? I call it the BLT. There is no bacon or anything edible involved, just more mindfulness. Sorry, I'm hungry too.
When something happens that you think shouldn't bother you as much as it does, it's probably one of these buttons from your past. If you are ready to work on navigating around these buttons more easily, try my BLT Method.
B is obviously for Button; take a step back and say, "Why is this bugging me so much?" It's not such a big deal!
L is for Lesson; once you get insight into your buttons, you can go from button to lesson pretty fast ie "what have I learned from this, what am I learning from this or is it possible that I am going to learn something from this in the future?" The fictional person in the example above may have learned he is smart and that teacher was inappropriate.
T is for Triumph (or Transition); this is the hardest part of the BLT because I am again asking you to transition to thinking something positive during an event that you don't like and don't want. I believe that we can triumph over the negativity and train our brains to go more and more quickly to a positive thought ie what you want/like, what you're grateful for, or just play the "Wouldn't it be nice if....?" game to prevent yourself from going down that slippery slope of negativity.
Some people have very deep seated buttons that may require reprocessing via EMDR. (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). I have performed this procedure at least 50 times since my EMDR training and the success rate is astonishing. It is not just for severe trauma. I call it "The Button Eraser!"
Tomorrow we'll talk about zippers. Just kidding! I'll explain EMDR more fully in my next blog.
Be well,
Lisa
So what can be done now that we realize that we are covered in these unwanted buttons? I call it the BLT. There is no bacon or anything edible involved, just more mindfulness. Sorry, I'm hungry too.
When something happens that you think shouldn't bother you as much as it does, it's probably one of these buttons from your past. If you are ready to work on navigating around these buttons more easily, try my BLT Method.
B is obviously for Button; take a step back and say, "Why is this bugging me so much?" It's not such a big deal!
L is for Lesson; once you get insight into your buttons, you can go from button to lesson pretty fast ie "what have I learned from this, what am I learning from this or is it possible that I am going to learn something from this in the future?" The fictional person in the example above may have learned he is smart and that teacher was inappropriate.
T is for Triumph (or Transition); this is the hardest part of the BLT because I am again asking you to transition to thinking something positive during an event that you don't like and don't want. I believe that we can triumph over the negativity and train our brains to go more and more quickly to a positive thought ie what you want/like, what you're grateful for, or just play the "Wouldn't it be nice if....?" game to prevent yourself from going down that slippery slope of negativity.
Some people have very deep seated buttons that may require reprocessing via EMDR. (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). I have performed this procedure at least 50 times since my EMDR training and the success rate is astonishing. It is not just for severe trauma. I call it "The Button Eraser!"
Tomorrow we'll talk about zippers. Just kidding! I'll explain EMDR more fully in my next blog.
Be well,
Lisa
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Gratitude
It's been a few days since I've felt inspired to write again but today I am buzzing with gratitude for no particular reason so I thought I'd share this concept with you.
My last blog revealed the secret to happiness (gratitude). I know I could have sold it for millions of dollars but I thought it would be more important to share it with humanity to make the world a better and happier place to live. lol
People who are grateful are happier; nothing fancy to say about that. It's true. The next step is thinking about what you're grateful for more often than thinking about what you don't like/want. This is challenging but doable.
Then there is The Law of Attraction theory which is the next step on this ladder to happiness. This theory explains that since we are energy and like attracts like, we want to vibrate at this higher (happier) vibration to attract more of the same energy. But how does one do this when things are happening that we don't like and we don't want?
Well, one way is to understand that "it is all good" as the saying goes; since we learn and grow the fastest from these challenging events, it's a good thing even if it's uncomfortable. So it's the way we interpret events that determines our mood.
But really, how do we vibrate at a higher level when these uncomfortable things occur in our lives? We have to train our brains to go positive in the face of negative situations. Our brains are already in the habit (appropriately so) to go negative when something happens that we don't like. The goal is to train your brain to loop the other way.
As soon as you don't feel good, take a step back and understand why you feel bad (mindfulness); then force yourself to think about something positive. Whether it's something pertaining to the present situation or not it does not matter. Using "Wouldn't it be nice if...?" and finishing the sentence without negatives will force you to think about positive hopes and dreams. I am not recommending that you ignore situations that need your attention; you must continue to "take care of business" but without ruminating about it and telling all of your friends, coworkers, family members, hair dresser, etc.
The final and most challenging step is to allow yourself to feel the way you will feel when the positive situation happens. If you allow yourself to feel awesome like when the awesome thing occurs, you vibrate at that level and attract more awesome things that match that feeling. I know this sounds like a bunch of hokey s__t but even if it is, I guarantee you will feel better while doing it.
Patterns/habits take time so don't be discouraged; this won't happen overnight. I even have my own technique that I've created to make this easier. I'll explain it in my next blog.
Wishing you awesome vibes!
Lisa
My last blog revealed the secret to happiness (gratitude). I know I could have sold it for millions of dollars but I thought it would be more important to share it with humanity to make the world a better and happier place to live. lol
People who are grateful are happier; nothing fancy to say about that. It's true. The next step is thinking about what you're grateful for more often than thinking about what you don't like/want. This is challenging but doable.
Then there is The Law of Attraction theory which is the next step on this ladder to happiness. This theory explains that since we are energy and like attracts like, we want to vibrate at this higher (happier) vibration to attract more of the same energy. But how does one do this when things are happening that we don't like and we don't want?
Well, one way is to understand that "it is all good" as the saying goes; since we learn and grow the fastest from these challenging events, it's a good thing even if it's uncomfortable. So it's the way we interpret events that determines our mood.
But really, how do we vibrate at a higher level when these uncomfortable things occur in our lives? We have to train our brains to go positive in the face of negative situations. Our brains are already in the habit (appropriately so) to go negative when something happens that we don't like. The goal is to train your brain to loop the other way.
As soon as you don't feel good, take a step back and understand why you feel bad (mindfulness); then force yourself to think about something positive. Whether it's something pertaining to the present situation or not it does not matter. Using "Wouldn't it be nice if...?" and finishing the sentence without negatives will force you to think about positive hopes and dreams. I am not recommending that you ignore situations that need your attention; you must continue to "take care of business" but without ruminating about it and telling all of your friends, coworkers, family members, hair dresser, etc.
The final and most challenging step is to allow yourself to feel the way you will feel when the positive situation happens. If you allow yourself to feel awesome like when the awesome thing occurs, you vibrate at that level and attract more awesome things that match that feeling. I know this sounds like a bunch of hokey s__t but even if it is, I guarantee you will feel better while doing it.
Patterns/habits take time so don't be discouraged; this won't happen overnight. I even have my own technique that I've created to make this easier. I'll explain it in my next blog.
Wishing you awesome vibes!
Lisa
Saturday, June 4, 2016
Happiness
Yesterday, I promised to reveal the secret to happiness so I am here to keep that promise. Many people think they will be happy when they get that job, car, house, partner, etc but happiness continues to be elusive and the way to happiness seems to repeatedly be put off down the road.
Some people think if they move and start over elsewhere that they will finally be happy. Unfortunately, wherever you go, you bring yourself. If you are not happy "here," chances are you won't be happy "there." Happiness come from inside out, not the other way around.
The way you think creates your life; the way you interpret what is happening around you will have a direct effect on your mood or happiness. I spoke of self talk yesterday in my blog on self esteem and this is a big part of influencing how you feel about your life. Some people do not even realize that they have self talk or that it is negative. Some people run and run all day and night in an attempt to avoid being alone with their thoughts so they can just collapse in exhaustion by the end of the night. This is why they are not aware of any "self talk."
Why is self talk so important and what in the world is it? It's our running dialog usually in our heads although as I get older it is often spoken aloud. lol Let's face it, if you are constantly remarking on the things that you don't want and don't like and continually criticize yourself for your imperfections, you're bound to become sad and maybe eventually depressed. Sometimes that critical voice in your head is actually very similar to a hard to please parent. It's time to forgive yourself for being flawed; after all, it is your flaws that make you human and endear you to others. No one wants to eat lunch with the perfect person at work; we can't identify with them!
So please concentrate on what you like and what you want and what you hope for; the other stuff will be there whether you ruminate on it or not. You will still have to address those negative things but it is easier when you are in a more positive head space. So how does one get there? Oh yeah, I promised to tell you the secret to happiness! It's gratitude....
I would recommend that as soon as you wake up, go through your gratitude list in your head; think of all of the things that are positive in your life and the things that you are grateful for. This is a good time to allow yourself to feel your feelings and listen to your thoughts and get to know yourself again. You can call it meditation, mindfulness, or your happiness ritual but I believe you will have a better day and life.
Peace out!
Some people think if they move and start over elsewhere that they will finally be happy. Unfortunately, wherever you go, you bring yourself. If you are not happy "here," chances are you won't be happy "there." Happiness come from inside out, not the other way around.
The way you think creates your life; the way you interpret what is happening around you will have a direct effect on your mood or happiness. I spoke of self talk yesterday in my blog on self esteem and this is a big part of influencing how you feel about your life. Some people do not even realize that they have self talk or that it is negative. Some people run and run all day and night in an attempt to avoid being alone with their thoughts so they can just collapse in exhaustion by the end of the night. This is why they are not aware of any "self talk."
Why is self talk so important and what in the world is it? It's our running dialog usually in our heads although as I get older it is often spoken aloud. lol Let's face it, if you are constantly remarking on the things that you don't want and don't like and continually criticize yourself for your imperfections, you're bound to become sad and maybe eventually depressed. Sometimes that critical voice in your head is actually very similar to a hard to please parent. It's time to forgive yourself for being flawed; after all, it is your flaws that make you human and endear you to others. No one wants to eat lunch with the perfect person at work; we can't identify with them!
So please concentrate on what you like and what you want and what you hope for; the other stuff will be there whether you ruminate on it or not. You will still have to address those negative things but it is easier when you are in a more positive head space. So how does one get there? Oh yeah, I promised to tell you the secret to happiness! It's gratitude....
I would recommend that as soon as you wake up, go through your gratitude list in your head; think of all of the things that are positive in your life and the things that you are grateful for. This is a good time to allow yourself to feel your feelings and listen to your thoughts and get to know yourself again. You can call it meditation, mindfulness, or your happiness ritual but I believe you will have a better day and life.
Peace out!
Friday, June 3, 2016
Self Esteem
The level of our self esteem is very important. We usually date at the level of our self esteem. The chances of trying something new or going after our dreams is also connected to how we feel about ourselves. The quality of our lives just may depend on how we see ourselves.
Yesterday's blog addressed abusive relationships and how they may result in the victim experiencing low self esteem. (which came first, the chicken or the egg, the abuser or the low self esteem?) If we allow others to define our self worth, we are giving away our power by depending on others to determine whether we are likable, lovable, desirable, intelligent, attractive, etc. The problem with this is that when we are alone or not in a romantic relationship, we cannot trust our own judgment to determine our own self worth. If a relationship doesn't work out, we would then blame our flaws on the break up.
So how can someone begin to work on raising self esteem once they have been knocked down over and over by a controlling partner? Here are some simple ways to begin:
1. Authenticity - Have the courage to be yourself; This is the only way you will find out who likes you for you. If you have to pretend around someone hoping they'll like you, don't waste your time; it's exhausting and you'll never find out who your true friends are.
2. Judgment - Yes we are back to this again. Remember, once you stop judging, you probably won't fear judgment or judge yourself harshly anymore.This makes #1 easier too. Then try to limit your time with negative, critical and gossipy people.
3. Self Talk - We must be aware of our self talk. If we constantly berate ourselves for not being perfect, we cannot work on our self esteem. We must learn how to love ourselves "warts and all" so to speak. It's time to speak to ourselves as we would to a child or someone we love. Feel free to call it your "inner child" if it helps.
4. Helping Others - When we help others, it makes us feel good about ourselves which in turn helps us to raise our self esteem. Let others help you too so that they may have the same opportunity to feel good about themselves.
So get out there and do the things you do well, be authentic stick to positive people and try some random acts of kindness. When your self esteem grows,you will be ready to blossom!
Tomorrow I will disclose the Secret to Happiness!!!
Thursday, June 2, 2016
What is Abuse?
Yesterday's blog left off on the difficulty of being in an abusive relationship. But how does one end up in this kind of situation? Why would someone be attracted to and then stay with an abusive partner? There are many reasons but here are some that I have noticed.
When someone comes from an abusive household ie an abusive father, experiences an abusive boyfriend and then ends up with an abusive partner/spouse, most people scratch their heads. Why would someone make those choices? Well, believe it or not, although it doesn't feel pleasant, it feels "familiar." If you are raised with drama and the ones that supposedly love you exhibit these behaviors, a child can get a skewed idea of what love looks/sounds/feels like; then as an adult, drama feels more like home than peace and quiet. Abusive partners speak/act the way Daddy spoke/act so this must be love. Not everyone comes away with that message but I have seen it happen before. (not all perpetrators are male)
Some people don't realize that you can be in an abusive relationship without ever being hit or hurt physically. Emotional abuse often is more painful. The abuser usually alienates any of your family/friends/support system to make it easier to "brainwash" you and tries to control you by calling all day to see where you are and calling it love. The daily message is usually, "You're alone, I'm the only one you have, I'm the only one that could love/want you, I wouldn't hurt you if you didn't act the way you do (or if I didn't love you so much), You're ugly, stupid, crazy, undesirable, no one likes you and you couldn't make it without me, You're a bad mother; they'll take your children if you leave, If you leave I will find you and kill you, If you find someone else I will kill them, You can't trust others, they will lie and hurt you, etc."
I didn't mean for this to be a long blog but the only way out of a relationship like this is building up your self esteem which is almost as challenging in this situation as later forgiving the people that mistreated you all of those years. I guess tomorrow's blog will be on improving your self esteem!
The only thing that is consistent is change; remember, whatever hardships you are now experiencing, "this too shall pass."
Namaste
When someone comes from an abusive household ie an abusive father, experiences an abusive boyfriend and then ends up with an abusive partner/spouse, most people scratch their heads. Why would someone make those choices? Well, believe it or not, although it doesn't feel pleasant, it feels "familiar." If you are raised with drama and the ones that supposedly love you exhibit these behaviors, a child can get a skewed idea of what love looks/sounds/feels like; then as an adult, drama feels more like home than peace and quiet. Abusive partners speak/act the way Daddy spoke/act so this must be love. Not everyone comes away with that message but I have seen it happen before. (not all perpetrators are male)
Some people don't realize that you can be in an abusive relationship without ever being hit or hurt physically. Emotional abuse often is more painful. The abuser usually alienates any of your family/friends/support system to make it easier to "brainwash" you and tries to control you by calling all day to see where you are and calling it love. The daily message is usually, "You're alone, I'm the only one you have, I'm the only one that could love/want you, I wouldn't hurt you if you didn't act the way you do (or if I didn't love you so much), You're ugly, stupid, crazy, undesirable, no one likes you and you couldn't make it without me, You're a bad mother; they'll take your children if you leave, If you leave I will find you and kill you, If you find someone else I will kill them, You can't trust others, they will lie and hurt you, etc."
I didn't mean for this to be a long blog but the only way out of a relationship like this is building up your self esteem which is almost as challenging in this situation as later forgiving the people that mistreated you all of those years. I guess tomorrow's blog will be on improving your self esteem!
The only thing that is consistent is change; remember, whatever hardships you are now experiencing, "this too shall pass."
Namaste
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Forgiveness
Well, if you read my blog from yesterday, you already know that grudge holding is "poisonous" to your health. I know some of you may say that you would rather drink poison than to forgive the perpetrator of past abuse or pain. Perhaps we need to clarify what forgiveness means.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone what the person did; you are not saying that it was alright and you certainly would not allow them to do it to you again. Forgiveness is for You not Them! You don't even have to tell them that you are forgiving them; some of them may already be deceased by now. It is very beneficial for your health and well being to be able to move forward after abusive or "unforgivable" treatment. But how is this done? ("Easier said than done")
This is where judgment comes back into play; remember there is a fine line between judgment and acknowledging what you don't like and it is empathy. This is the hardest time to practice this zen like attitude and it does take practice but it will be worth it in the end. Chances are that you have some insight into why the person that "did you wrong" is the way they are; just as we are the way we are because of everything that has happened to us so far. This is not an excuse, only a reason; we are all human and we are all responding to this life within our own capabilities.
We are all products of our childhoods and the experiences we have had thus far. When you can finally forgive and move forward, you will finally be free. Until then, you continue to give your power to the person that hurt you. The ultimate action is to send them healing vibes and avoid them if you can. If you are feeling "trapped" in an abusive relationship, that is another whole blog. Maybe tomorrow.
Sending love and light to all.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone what the person did; you are not saying that it was alright and you certainly would not allow them to do it to you again. Forgiveness is for You not Them! You don't even have to tell them that you are forgiving them; some of them may already be deceased by now. It is very beneficial for your health and well being to be able to move forward after abusive or "unforgivable" treatment. But how is this done? ("Easier said than done")
This is where judgment comes back into play; remember there is a fine line between judgment and acknowledging what you don't like and it is empathy. This is the hardest time to practice this zen like attitude and it does take practice but it will be worth it in the end. Chances are that you have some insight into why the person that "did you wrong" is the way they are; just as we are the way we are because of everything that has happened to us so far. This is not an excuse, only a reason; we are all human and we are all responding to this life within our own capabilities.
We are all products of our childhoods and the experiences we have had thus far. When you can finally forgive and move forward, you will finally be free. Until then, you continue to give your power to the person that hurt you. The ultimate action is to send them healing vibes and avoid them if you can. If you are feeling "trapped" in an abusive relationship, that is another whole blog. Maybe tomorrow.
Sending love and light to all.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
JUDGMENT
I alluded to judgment in my post from yesterday but I want to go more in depth today. If any of my clients are reading this, they will say "I know, I know" since I talk about his subject often. I educate my clients on the detriments of judgment because I feel that it can affect the quality of our lives.
Let's face it, we all judge; the goal is to be mindful enough to catch ourselves and reframe and have empathy. I find that the more we judge, the more we fear judgment. We all like to think that others think as we do and when they don't we say, "Why don't they think like me???" So if we think that others think like us and we are judgmental, then we may tend to assume that others are also judging us! I also see a correlation between judgment and self judgment.
So, in other words, judgment is not beneficial; sometimes it leads to holding grudges and you know what they say about that! ("Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.") The other person is usually not affected and we end up being poisoned. This leads us to forgiveness which is another whole ball of wax!
Perhaps I'll tackle forgiveness tomorrow.
Namaste (The light in me loves the light in you)
Let's face it, we all judge; the goal is to be mindful enough to catch ourselves and reframe and have empathy. I find that the more we judge, the more we fear judgment. We all like to think that others think as we do and when they don't we say, "Why don't they think like me???" So if we think that others think like us and we are judgmental, then we may tend to assume that others are also judging us! I also see a correlation between judgment and self judgment.
So, in other words, judgment is not beneficial; sometimes it leads to holding grudges and you know what they say about that! ("Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.") The other person is usually not affected and we end up being poisoned. This leads us to forgiveness which is another whole ball of wax!
Perhaps I'll tackle forgiveness tomorrow.
Namaste (The light in me loves the light in you)
Monday, May 30, 2016
A Paradigm Shift
From what I hear, read and feel, there seems to be a paradigm shift going on. Those of you that watch fear based news shows may not agree. Those shows appear to be financially backed by those that want to keep us too fearful to think clearly and notice what they are doing "behind the curtain."
The shift I'm alluding to is kindness, empathy, forgiveness and non judgmental ideation. More and more of this planet's inhabitants are realizing that we are all doing the best we can with what we've experienced thus far. This is not an excuse but a reason for behavior that we don't like.
I have realized that the fine line between judgment and acknowledging what you don't like is empathy. When we understand what we don't like without demonizing the person exhibiting the unwanted behavior, we are using empathy and mindfulness. This, to me, is preferable to taking things personally and assuming others' motivations.
What do you think?
The shift I'm alluding to is kindness, empathy, forgiveness and non judgmental ideation. More and more of this planet's inhabitants are realizing that we are all doing the best we can with what we've experienced thus far. This is not an excuse but a reason for behavior that we don't like.
I have realized that the fine line between judgment and acknowledging what you don't like is empathy. When we understand what we don't like without demonizing the person exhibiting the unwanted behavior, we are using empathy and mindfulness. This, to me, is preferable to taking things personally and assuming others' motivations.
What do you think?
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