Self Esteem

The level of our self esteem is very important.  We usually date at the level of our self esteem.  The chances of trying something new or going after our dreams is also connected to how we feel about ourselves.  The quality of our lives just may depend on how we see ourselves.  

Yesterday's blog addressed abusive relationships and how they may result in the victim experiencing low self esteem.  (which came first, the chicken or the egg, the abuser or the low self esteem?)  If we allow others to define our self worth, we are giving away our power by depending on others to determine whether we are likable, lovable, desirable, intelligent, attractive, etc.  The problem with this is that when we are alone or not in a romantic relationship, we cannot trust our own judgment to determine our own self worth.  If a relationship doesn't work out, we would then blame our flaws on the break up.

So how can someone begin to work on raising self esteem once they have been knocked down over and over by a controlling partner?  Here are some simple ways to begin:

1.  Authenticity - Have the courage to be yourself; This is the only way you will find out who likes you for you.  If you have to pretend around someone hoping they'll like you, don't waste your time; it's exhausting and you'll never find out who your true friends are.

2.  Judgment - Yes we are back to this again.   Remember, once you stop judging, you probably won't fear judgment or judge yourself harshly anymore.This makes #1 easier too. Then try to limit your time with negative, critical and gossipy people. 

3.  Self Talk - We must be aware of our self talk.  If we constantly berate ourselves for not being perfect, we cannot work on our self esteem.  We must learn how to love ourselves "warts and all" so to speak.  It's time to speak to ourselves as we would to a child or someone we love.  Feel free to call it your "inner child" if it helps.

4.  Helping Others - When we help others, it makes us feel good about ourselves which in turn helps us to raise our self esteem.  Let others help you too so that they may have the same opportunity to feel good about themselves.

So get out there and do the things you do well, be authentic stick to positive people and try some random acts of kindness. When your self esteem grows,you will be ready to blossom!

Tomorrow I will disclose the Secret to Happiness!!!